Hello everyone, my name is Chris and I’m forty-seven years old. Today I’m going to tell you my story – a journey that has taken me from the depths of despair to a place of hope and gratitude. It’s a story shaped by unique experiences across different continents and cultures. I’ve had to leave out many, many details for times sake. Regardless, I hope it strikes a chord with some of you.
I’m half English and half American. My childhood was anything but conventional. I grew up in Nigeria and Taiwan until I was ten, then moved to England for boarding school while my parents lived in Saudi Arabia. I would visit them during the holidays, and every summer, I spent time in New Haven, Connecticut, with my grandparents. This upbringing created a patchwork of identity, and when people ask me where I’m from, I often find myself at a loss for words. For a while I would simply state ‘I’m from my mothers womb’. People often comment on how fortunate my upbringing was and that’s true. But it also involved many difficulties such as having to constantly adapt to new environments, make new friends and say goodbye to cherished old ones over and over again. I never had a regular home or had a chance to establish roots anywhere. Plus, I stopped living with my parents at a very young age.
In total, I’ve traveled to 35 countries, and each journey has broadened my mind and deepened my understanding of the world. At 18, I found myself in New York City and somehow landed in a commercial for Circuit City. With quite a bit of money in my pocket I decided to escape the brutal New England winter and moved to Mexico, where I fell in love with a girl who didn’t speak English. So, I learned Spanish and ended up staying for the next two years.
But my time in Mexico was not all sunshine and romance. It was also a whirlwind of partying with alcohol, and experimenting with MANY different substances. I was attracted to Hunter S Thomson,Gonzo journalism and experiencing altered states of consciousness. I loved Jim Morrison. I had an affinity with Jack Kerouac, his book ‘On the road,’ and beatnik culture. I even lived in an apartment inhabited by Neil Cassidy at one point, which I still think is still kind of cool. I also became hooked on pharmaceuticals that were super easy to obtain. The vibrant culture around me masked a growing darkness inside me.
Leaving Mexico, I returned to England, where I enrolled at the University of London’s School of Oriental and African Studies, or SOAS. There’s far too much to recount about that experience right now but graduating definitely seemed like an achievement. However, overshadowing everything was my ongoing relationship with alcohol and drugs. For years I managed to DJ in underground club venues, play in bands, and even teach English as a Foreign Language at one of Europe’s most reputable institutions, but, upon reflection,my addiction was like a dark shadow following me everywhere. Also, I was gradually being ostracized by various social groups due to my erratic behavior and began to have fairly serious consequences related mostly to drinking alcohol.
At 28, I moved to Spain in search of sunshine and beach. I quickly connected with the music scene inTarifa, Andalucía, started a band, and found another teaching job. But despite the beautiful surroundings, my substance use continued unabated. I thought I was living ‘the life’, but somewhere around this time, I crossed a line—from a functioning alcoholic to someone who was deeply entrenched in addiction.
Eventually, my journey led me to Sri Lanka, where I took a teaching job. However, it was short-lived; I was fired within three months due to my drinking. I decided to finally return to the U.S and stayed with my parents for a while – who really weren’t thrilled – trying to figure out my next move. Instead of finding clarity, I slipped deeper into my addiction. Vodka became my constant companion, and soon enough, I was fired from another teaching job. Isolated and overwhelmed, I felt utterly lost.
I flew to California to go to my third of, ultimately, many rehabs. I ended up in Santa Cruz, not knowing a soul, but quickly found myself a room and a tutoring job. Unfortunately, I was involved in an altercation one night whilst drunk and in a blackout. As a result, I lost EVERYTHING including my job, money, family, pretty much any friends I still had and ended up homeless for the first time in my life. I’d burned all my bridges. This period was characterized by insane levels of despair. I experienced what many would call a classic “riches to rags” scenario. I had to learn how to adapt all over again but this time to survive. At times I witnessed both the worst and best of humanity. I felt invisible and unwanted,misunderstood and was completely shocked by the stigma of being homeless. I constantly battled against fear, anxiety, and hopelessness..
I lived in the woods or at the beach, trying to avoid the streets and trouble in general. Isolating was my way of surviving. Over the next few years, I cycled in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous but just couldn’t stay sober. My confidence was totally shot… Being homeless is totally demoralizing.
I’m going to skip over a number of years but during that time there were numerous hospitalizations,occasional jobs, I was constantly broke and in and out of accommodation, sometimes jail… There were some good times though. For sure.
Fast forward a few years to December 28th of last year, the day of that crazy storm where there were up to 30 foot waves. I was camped out under the Dream Inn when a rouge wave swept the entire beach and carried me in my tent, semi-floating, out towards the sea. Fortunately, I was rescued by the fire department, but even as they pulled me to safety, I was still clinging to a bottle of booze. All my possessions were once again lost. Everything. I was in serious shock.
That day, I faced death in a way I had never anticipated. I guess it was a wake-up call. There were times in the past when I had contemplated suicide, but somehow, there was something different about this experience, something visceral that was truly profound. I realized I couldn’t keep living this way. I had to surrender.
I entered detox soon after, followed by a 30-day program at Janus. I then transferred to New Life where someone mentioned the Homeless Garden Project. I’d heard great things about it over the years and thought I’d go and check it out.
I knew this place provided a supportive environment with opportunity for people like me and was really fortunate to get hired right away. Within a month, I was promoted to Farm Stand Lead Trainee where I interact with the public (who regularly drop in to see what goes on here), receive freshly harvested produce from my co-workers and put together our ‘Community Supported Agriculture’ and ‘Feed Two Birds’ baskets, which are then picked up by the recipients.
The different smells are wonderful – especially (for me) the ‘Thai basil’. It can get a little chaotic at times, especially when everything comes in simultaneously as I need to weigh and log everything precisely and distribute the produce into 33 baskets within a limited timeframe. I feel that I’m now genuinely qualified to be described as an expert multitasker! I do keep calm under pressure…
We begin our day the circle with a short meditation period. Then we all stretch together and go over the assigned tasks for the morning. We get to learn new farming techniques and regularly rotate around the farm getting valuable, practical experience. We also have lunch provided. It’s prepared by different volunteers each day from outside organizations. The farm produce is used, so we are pretty lucky! We eat well. We then gather for a post lunch circle to touch base and make plans for the rest of the day.
Working outside here is healing for me. I feel so connected to the earth and constantly marvel at what nature provides for us. I keep fit and focused.
I have also graduated from the New Life program and am living in a sober house, which I can afford to pay for now that I have an income. I’m diligently working the 12 steps of AA with an awesome sponsor. I have been sober for longer than any period since having my first drink at 14. I’m feeling blessed and am grateful everyday. The Homeless Garden Project truly does ‘plants seeds and grow futures’.
Chris Fields spoke at a private brunch event at Natural Bridges Farm on Sunday October 20th and presented the above testimonial
