Crystal Murrieta delivered the following testimonial at Natural Bridges Farm for HGP’s annual Sustain Supper on June 20, 2026
I had a ring once which had a symbol of a compass. The compass was symbolic of the phrase “NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST!” There was a time I thought of life as simple. I laugh thinking of myself at the young age of ten. I loved being in the choir, laughing, and dreamed of becoming a teacher when I grew up. I laugh but that’s a coping mechanism I’ve developed to cover up sadness and pain I developed at that age. My innocence was taken by a person I loved and trusted. I don’t think that impacted me as much as what also brings up something that broke my spirit and my heart as well at that age. My mom told me “I LOVE YOU BECAUSE I HAVE TO! BUT I DON’T LIKE YOU!” words that cut deep into me seeking for people to like me and I stopped caring about myself.
I no longer had any dreams or ambition. I only cared for people to LIKE ME and WANTED THEIR APPROVAL. Even to this day, this is something I struggle with. I had become a true people pleaser. Well, that is until I had my first drink of alcohol, which eventually led to trying meth and loving it. At the age of 14, I was a full blown addict. I had suddenly found a way to deal with or not deal with feeling any type of true emotions at all.
At 30 years old, I finally settled down after years of struggling to be sober. I was a mother to 4 beautiful children, a wife, daughter, sister, best friend, and Sunday school teacher. My family and I were living a great life. We had a beautiful house, cars, jobs, and family. That was until Covid hit. Three months into the pandemic tragedy struck my family. My one and only niece, age 17, died by suicide along with a 15 year old girl. Not being able to comfort my family or be surrounded by each other…Isolated from the world. I coped with it like I knew best. Back to drinking and again addicted to drugs.
I feel like I grow each day as well. Everyday, I take away something new about farming. I also go home everyday feeling like I accomplished something great. One foot in front of the other taking life day by day with joy I had not felt in a very long time. I love getting to work because my life suddenly has a purpose.
It only took a year for me to lose it all, once those habits came back. Everything was gone, my kids, husband, family, my church community and our home. I lost all who I was and became known as a homeless drug addict not wanted by anyone. I found myself in a relationship. I almost lost my life too. I can remember the day–we were out living in the fields of Merced and I was so scared. I hadn’t realized how tense and tight I was holding my body muscles in. I never felt any relaxed moment. Then one day, out of nowhere, I became paralyzed from the waist down. I had put my body into too much trauma. I was put into a home for the elderly to learn how to walk and be cared for.
I think about this right now, and I can’t believe I had the strength to come back from that, only to return back to the streets and continue to stay in that relationship. Sleeping in a pig pen, hiding in bushes scared and embarrassed from being dirty with no clean water or shelter. I spent 3 years with my compass totally lost, with no direction at all. I was empty inside, a body with no life.
Until one day I was the victim of being stabbed in my leg and again back in a rehabilitation home I went. I needed help! Not even sure of how or why, I was searching for a program online and found one here in Santa Cruz, far enough away from everything toxic. I completed the drug and alcohol program – I felt I had recovered myself and that I was strong enough to return home to Merced. Now I know that I had lied to myself. I was still weak and went back to old habits and the same environment I had left. I couch surfed, slept on lawn chairs, in places infested with mice and bed bugs.
After a month of this, I decided to return back to Santa Cruz to do the program one more time. I finally realized you can leave everything behind but you still take who you are with you. I was now ready to face my demons. While in Santa Cruz the first time, I had completed a four week pilot program at the Homeless Garden Project. So when I returned to Santa Cruz to re-enroll in my recovery program, and my mind felt a little right, I reached out to Roman, our supervisor here at HGP, and he told me I was accepted to the year-long program at the farm. Suddenly I felt a sense of security, there was hope in this gift of opportunity I was given to be able to build a foundation for myself.
After I graduated from the drug and alcohol program, and now being employed, I was able to afford transitioning into an SLE home which is a sober living environment. So maybe not all who wander may never truly be lost. We just haven’t found the direction we are supposed to go.
Today I’m just going forward. I feel alive again. I really love my job and the community we have on the farm. My story used to be something people would gossip about and I carried it with guilt and shame. Today I am able to stand up here no longer feeling like a victim. All those labels I used to think I was, I have found new identities. Such as an overcomer, believer, mother, friend AND NOW I AM A FARMER!!!!
Here on the farm I have been able to build the confidence I lost in myself a long time ago. I came to the Homeless Garden Project just looking at it as a job, just a way to support me financially. That’s not how I feel about it now. The support goes beyond the paycheck. I work with amazing people, learned skills in such a short amount of time. My day now starts with waking up in a safe clean home where I prepare to get ready for any task I am asked to perform.
Tasks such as harvesting herbs, planting seeds and seeing something I helped work to grow. Currently I have the privilege to help create fruit and vegetable boxes each week with everything grown fresh here from the Homeless Garden Project farm, picked by other trainees employed through the program. The effort everyone takes to help produce beautiful organic produce is amazing.
I feel honored to have been selected to take all this beautiful produce, grown and gathered by my colleagues and present it to our CSA and Feed 2 Birds members, one basket for each share of produce. Each basket may contain ten items, ranging from the world’s best-tasting strawberries to mixed summer squashes, crisp chard, pungent kale and wonderful, aromatic herbs. A lot of the produce that was on our plates tonight.
I feel like I grow each day as well. Everyday, I take away something new about farming. I also go home everyday feeling like I accomplished something great. One foot in front of the other taking life day by day with joy I had not felt in a very long time. I love getting to work because my life suddenly has a purpose. I wondered and wandered so long but the needle on my compass of life has me headed towards everything I had once lost.
Thank you.
